Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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