Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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