When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You are a genius and a whore.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
