just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
