Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
