i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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