just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
