you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
