All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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