considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
