so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
