the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
