I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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