Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
tequila makes me forget i have legs
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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