you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
