He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
