There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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