I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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