as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I will be naked everywhere
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
