They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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