Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
