I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
