whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
