Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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