We're like a lot better than the average bears
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
