I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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