My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
