I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
