i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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