He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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