Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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