I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
