There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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