I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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