her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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