remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
