i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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