I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
