Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
