Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
