Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
