So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
