Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
