What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
