I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
