I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
