Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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