just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
