We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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