So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
