you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
