It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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