I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
