seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
