I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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