Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
