just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
